They say that living well is the best revenge. I say that is true.
Sadly, when we feel we have been mistreated, abused, misused, unappreciated, frustrated…all full of grief…what is the first thing we all-too-often do?
Through experience and observation I would say the first thing we all-too-often do is abuse ourselves further through overeating, undereating, alcohol abuse, isolation, excess of many sorts.
The emotions of dreams unrealized, of hearts mistreated or trust destroyed can lead us in search of something – anything – to ease the pain.
It is normal to fall apart when our world is broken to pieces.
And it is empowering to put things back together again in a way that makes us better and stronger.
Instead of reaching for that drink, why not reach for a dream.
The truth is, if something was in your best interest to begin with, if something was a good fit for you, it would have endured. It would have made you happy. The good stuff, by its very nature, does not bring us pain and it does not let us down.
Very often it is something broken within ourself that compels us to reach for dreams with someone or something that is wrong for us or in a way that is ill-advised. These paths will only detour us from our dreams.
And for the most part, in these situations, we cannot fix the other person or the circumstances. But we can fix ourselves. We can challenge ourselves to go for what we want.
In these situations an excess with donuts or beer or time spent locked away by ourselves will not take us any closer to our dreams. They will bring the same lack through their excess that the broken situation or person gave us.
A true comfort in these times – as hard as it might be to learn to do right by yourself – is to take steps towards being the person you most want to be.
How?
By doing the things “that person” does.
It’s the maxim of fake it ‘til you make it.
Do you dream of being someone who, say, runs a marathon? Well, what does a person who runs a marathon do that you do not?
Do you dream of a loyal, compatible, warm, loving partner by your side? What does someone with such a partner do that you are not doing?
Do you dream of being healthy and active and free? …. You get the idea. It is ALL within your grasp but it won’t be found in bad relationships, broken people or donuts or beer.
Once you start taking the steps towards becoming the person who runs marathons or has healthy relationships you will…well, you will start being that person.
And what could be more comforting?
I know it sounds like I am making this out to be easy. I know it’s not always easy. But I also know that the bad patterns have been conditioned in us and as such new, better patterns can also be learned.
The more you can shift your focus and practice new ideals the closer you will get. It is possible. Learning something new does not always follow a course plan. It might look the way you anticipated. It might just look better than you ever imagined.
